hi im ranting from my dorm

hi. i feel like im not real enough on my blog. i feel like i try to hard to be perfect. not i feel. i do actually try to hard to make my blog perfect. and it drives me crazy, makes me extremely anxious and makes me hate blogging. i think i look at other bloggers and their blogs and how they write, and im like “thats how my blog should be.” but if you actually talked to me in person, i don’t sound anything like how i write on here. my writing generally does take on a more professional tone than my speaking, but i dont really want my blog to be/sound like that. i want blogging to be an outlet. something i can look forward to doing and want to do as often as possible. but with the way im trying to make it now, its anything but therapeutic.

like, i hate blogging. i hate thinking every week “oh now i have to somehow come up with another blog post.” and sometimes i want to quit and stop doing it, but i do actually like having a blog. maybe id feel better about it if i had more than 55 followers because i want it to go somewhere. i love writing and i want to show that through my blog. but ughhhh it just causes me so much stress. and then i never have the motivation to do anything anymore, so you know that blogging is never very high on my list of things to do/things i want to do.

i know this doesn’t make any sense but it’s 10:41 at night and im really tired but i dont want to go to bed yet because id rather obsess over my blog because that sounds like a really good idea. but i do already feel a lot better after having written this down. oops get ready for my blog to now be full of rants instead of anything else.

you know. i feel like, now im in college, i can be whoever i want. my life is pretty much just now starting. im gonna let go of everything that i was in high school and before that i didnt like very much or that arent me anymore. like dance. doing crazy/creative hairstyles (well i still sometimes like doing those, mainly on other people now). these are the only examples i can think of atm but the point is. dont do things that u dont like to do anymore just because you or someone else thinks that u should!!!

so this goes for my blog too! im just gonna post whatever i want to on here now. maybe pictures ive taken of msu campus throughout the week. or a crappy poem i thought of. pretty words. nice quotes. nighttime ramblings (like this). things ive passionate about (maybe ill write about new things going on soon in detroit or mental health or how much i dont like society and their stupid stereotypes/expectations or whaaatever else)

i like prose. maybe some of that.

whooo cares if it makes sense if it looks cool thats all that matters

i have a few side notes before i post this at 11pm and then maybe go to bed:

  1. my yoga instructor is v attractive and im in love with him. all i know about him is that his name is jay, he can do a headstand and he has 4 exams this week
  2. i wrote a book for my aunt’s kindergarten class about a fruit bat named bertie and his sister beatrice last week when i had intense writers block but she really liked it so i guess its not that bad
  3. we had to write an op-ed for my media class and then review two others and i spent 2 hrs reviewing them yesterday and only one of the people had the decency to comment on mine too. not that the comments about how i used too many facts, my paragraphs were too long cuz they were longer than 1 sentence or how my conclusion was good because i didnt include any more unanswered questions wHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT A CONCLUSION IS SUPPOSED TO DO were any help. whoever were my partners for the op-ed assignment in jrn 108 at msu i hope ur reading this BC UR OP-EDS SUCKED AND UR COMMENTS DID JACK SHIT FOR ME. respectfully, maddie dibley

okay im done now. thank you for listening to my rant. if you read through all 748 of those words, good job cuz i prolly wouldntve.

xx maddie

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